Do You Think He Doesn’t Enjoy My Company Anymore?

I have a neighbor name Shaina. She is one woman who can speak to me for hours, nonstop, on any topic. I don’t mind when she is speaking about various things, but sometime I feel she cribs while she speaks, and spreads negativity. Otherwise, she is every enthusiastic and it is very contagious. We all live in the chall like houses, but little bigger than what we see in movies. We have 2BHK with one dining room and kitchen. We have three houses on the ground floor and 6 on the first and the houses are not as great to be appreciated, but my husband believes that this house has something to do with prosperity and we are trying out our hands here as well. You know men never listen to their wives, until and unless they experience it themselves.

Shaina lives on my left, and she has better view of my house and on my right lives the biggest gossip queen of the town. She is younger to me, and she already have two kids in tow. Each time I see her around, the only question she ask me is “Any good news, “DEAR”? And I simply smile at her, and leave her with anticipation.

When I moved in here after wedding, Shaina was the first person to come over and speak to me, however, the gossip queen came in eventually to ask about my mehndi and about my graduation. Both the ladies are from some village in Gujarat, and cannot speak English so fluently. Most of our conversations are in Guju or broken English. They tell me, you speak such good language, why don’t you take tuitions at home? Now how do I tell these fellow neighbors of mine that I’m only good at one language, the other subjects are like Greek and Latin to my own eyes, what I will make the students study? Funny!

So the other day, as usual, I was cooking in the kitchen, and I heard Shaina calling for me. Since we share the same wall, we can hear each other clearly. From the kitchen, I replied her that I was cooking, and I will meet you outside in 10 minutes. Even she knows, I will not be done with my cooking in such less time, so she made her way through my door. I generally leave it open because of two reasons. One, air circulation and second, Shaina like a kid keeps dropping by into my house when she needs me. I hate to open the door each time she wants to see me.

She rang the bell, but never waits for my response. She made her way to the kitchen, and grabbed me by my dupattah. Shaina very bluntly asked me “I need to talk to you. When will you be done? The very next moment I sensed, something serious is cooking and I have to handle this easy. I was still stirring my curry and stuffing the cheese in the cutlet, I looked at her. “In a while babe. What’s up?”

Shaina was figitating with my fridge magnets, and spoke up. “You know, I kinda sense something fishy is going on with Rahul. These days, he pretends to be so busy that he doesn’t even call me during the day and check on me, or ask me about my meals or you know, he is behaving so indifferent. Like, he comes home with a long face, simply change and has dinner with me. And then sleeps off like we are two strangers living under one roof”.  Still weeping, she continues.

“I hate the kind of life we are living. There is no love, there is no sex. There is nothing interesting happening in my life. I’m not allowed to go to my mom’s place; he doesn’t take me out for trips. You know my cousin, she is married since 4 years, and they don’t have kids since they are not ready. And they are on trips every alternate month. I’m not asking for so much, just once a while, somewhere around. Munnar, Ooty, Kodaikanal or anything. Just spending time with each other, and romancing the climate and nature. Is that too much to ask? I understand, he is a working man, and getting leaves often is not so easy and the income is not sufficient to fulfill my needs, but am I asking him diamonds or rubies? Just his time. Is it that expensive?”

She is still crying, I’m speechless.

TO BE CONTINUED….

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Complaints- Will they ever end?

Hello everyone, it’s been a long time since I have posted anything here and I know you all missed my posts. So finally, here I come with a new and interesting post. The above topic is not related to me or the life after wedding. So kindly do not relate it with the author.

Without any further delay, let’s get to the topic directly.

I have been asking my neighborhood ladies, about being cranky and ranting all about our problems to our husbands, mothers and friends. The group of members was large and everyone belongs to a different age group. And with that, I could only expect more confusion.complaints

Shakila aunty, she is been a home maker and entrepreneur from home said she doesn’t know whom to complaint. Or in better words, should she complaint or listen to others who are already complaining to her? I think she doesn’t know to handle situations. And let me tell you this, she is a gossiping monk and she doesn’t need to complaint. She already has too much on her plate to gossip about.

Another neighbor, who is a bachelor, living by himself and for himself. Mr. Rakesh thinks it’s better to sleep than complaint about life. He says, when I’m awake, my girlfriend rings me to complaint all about her life, which means, I’m better off sleeping.

I couldn’t stop laughing when Rakesh answered to my question but somewhere, I felt, he needs to complaint as well. He looks like some depressed baba, who has lost his job, family and now wondering where to go!

So here we go with my point of view.

Is life worth complaining? We complaint about anyone and everyone, let be the ministry of India or our maid… policeman or our neighbor. Why do we complaint? What do we get by complaining? Well, that’s the secret of being women. We get nothing, but we want our things to heard, our requirements, our needs, and somewhere we have a feeling that, our rants will be heard someday or the other, and we can see our dreams shining high.

But what is the point complaining and fighting for it, when it cannot be done without a fight? Assuming, each time you complaint to your spouse, I’m sure, things doesn’t remain the same. You might be complaining about your house maid, who is not regular, or your Wi-Fi is not working properly or it can be anything silly either. What happens when you speak? You complaint and you complaint with frustration, that makes it sound like you are just mad about it and you expect him to do something about it. But does it happen it that way? Well, not in all the cases.

Are you wondering what should you do next? Well, my only advice is that you should talk to him, only when he is a good mood, when he is ready to listen to all that you want to say, or wait till he ask you if he is keeping you happy- (My husband ask me this frequently and these days he has stopped asking me this question). I take advantage of this question and shoot all my requirements and I must say he is all ears to it. And sometimes we land up fighting because I can complaint to any extend, for hours together.)  You can burst your frustration on him, and let him realize it’s too late to ask this question. And finally, they would say “Women are difficult to understand”!

And sometimes you are so tired complaining to each other, you stop talking about it. Since you know he/ she is going to do nothing, I mean nothing at all about it. And one fine day, they will leave you shocked, open mouthed and awestruck. He/she would eventually come to you, asking about it or talking about it and finally you can conclude that silence is the best method to get your work done. If you haven’t tried this method, go for it and give your life a chance. I’m sure, it is different and you can bring your life back on tracks. Beware; this method doesn’t work with life chasing situations.

But sometimes, we should also learn to compromise, and let go things in life. Because, if we are capable of compromising and letting go things from our to-do-list, we learn things the harder way and we train ourselves to live and stay satisfied with what we have and stay contended all our life. However, it look good when you read it, but when you complaint about something and it is not even acknowledged, you feel hurt and shattered, that’s when the frustration builds up and then comes the fight.

But you know, we are humans and our needs are unlimited. So complaint, rant and eat your spouse head rather than simply sitting silent, watching till you are able to.

What is your take about complaints? Is it better to shut and sit, and watch the show or complaint till your work is not done? Let me know your thoughts, we all need them to grow further in life. Good day.

Just Blabbering!

Well, it’s been almost 5 years now, since I started my colorful career. I will be totally wrong if I tell you, I did not enjoy working. I loved what I did. Productivity or no productivity, I loved been a part of the team, the meetings, the conf calls, the late night dinner parties, the arguments on the statistics, the workflow, the task manager, the mistakes, the cover up person, scrum, pseudo names, those gossip sections, those silent job calls, those complaints emails and everything I did these 5 years and all of a sudden, all this is going to end here.

Yes, it is going to end, and I was truly aware of it. It’s not that I’m asked to leave (that should never happen with anyone) but I’m leaving for my own self, for my future, for my wedding and for my husband. You know, I’m getting married in October, and you know there is hardly any time left for the wedding, and still I’m working my heart out. Every time I meet people, the first thing they ask me, “You still working ah? Oh my gosh, there is hardly any time left for the wedding and you are working? Take a break gal, don’t stress yourself. You need to look beautiful on your D-Day” and the list of advises goes on and on… BUT I really don’t understand, what is the world’s problem when I’m working or if I’m stressing out or even facing PMS? I don’t know and I really don’t care.

I would surely stay back home, get my things packed, get some rest, get tan and come back home with many paper bags and polythene covers like they show in movies, but my life is nothing like the reel life. I did go for shopping after my last trip to Coimbatore, but that was not sufficient. I wouldn’t ask for too many days either. I had to report to office right after EID and I took two more additional days to finish off little of the untouched wedding list, but I don’t know from where to-do list keeps growing and growing into a vigorous giant list, cursing inside for the rituals and rasams we have in our tradition. I wish people believed in register wedding, with a simple wedding band in exchange.

But you know, I’m not working for money here, I’m working for the finance part only. I know, both mean the same. I have a list of things to be bought for the wedding, from night suits to lingerie and since I’m getting married, like every stereotype couple or the bride alone, everything in the wardrobe supposes to be new, let be slippers, water bottles or perfumes. Re-using the old one is a taboo here! And each time I buy something, I feel weird to ask money to my dad since I have always been independent when it comes to the finance part. And that counts as the only reason for me to work till the end.

But why am I justifying my wishes to the world? Again, I don’t know.

Too much of mixed feelings…

My GRAND-PARENTS are indeed GRAND by Nature

We were young, we all will grow old… My grandmom always said to me, we may not thank you for you keeping us happy and healthy, but our soul would thank you and that would ensure you are successful in life. It is all her prayers and love she shower us with make a difference in our life.

In movies, we see, the elder kids leave their parents at old age home and never return back to take them home. They keep waiting and waiting and waiting… until one day, they make their way towards heaven. Why doesn’t the world understand that, they are your family?

They were my family. They are my family. Even after wedding, after having kids of my own, after doing everything they did for me.

They made me a better person, polished me with manners, molded me according to the outer world, framed me with the best personality. They did everything like a parent to me. In fact, I believe they are my real parents. They cared for me when I was a toddler, they fed me with the best ceralac, they took me to the best doctor when I was sick, they cried when I cried, they laughed when I laughed; they ran when I ran… They took me to the park, they ran behind me even when they suffering from Arthritis. They allowed me have 2-3 ice cream and gave me their share as well because they know I love Ice Cream. They never had one, because they had limited money. They saved each penny to take me to the beach on Sunday. They took me in train and buses, and cried internally for not having a car of their own. They gave me their pension money when my pocket money was not sufficient for the month.

They bought me the best school bag, Tiffin box, pencil box and world best water bottle so that I don’t have to feel low when my school friends show off their imported school accessories. They bought me crackers during Diwali even though it was not our festival. They allowed me to invite all my friends on EID every year and my grand mom cooked delicious delicacies for all my friends and allowed guy friends to be included in the group.

They never made me feel like I don’t have parents, they allowed me to call them, MA and PA. They were always by my side as best friends, as parents, as guardians. They always treated me more than their own children, safe guarded me when I was stuck in an issue during college, scolded me for being careless but by the night, they would apologize for being harsh on me. They never imposed rules on me, they allowed me to live the life I wanted, allowed to wear all I wanted (however, my grand father never liked the idea of tee and jeans on gals! Thanks to my grand mom who fought all the way with my grand dad to let me wear since I’m a MODERN GAL!)il_570xN.389527471_ao19

They gave you ideas how to impress the guy I like (who is my husband now!) when I was heartbroken, sitting at the verandah with a long face. They gave me their share of Rasgullah, because they know I can die for Rasgullahs. They surprised me with a small cake and candle on your 25th birthday because he was nor around to celebrate my birthday. They got me a Smartphone to talk to him; they got me new clothes every time he came to visit me. They taught me how to apologize and manage my relationship with him when we fought vigorously.  They taught me the real aspect of life; they shared valuable thoughts with me, enhancing the real meaning of my life with my husband.

They ate all I cooked, without any fuss just because I shouldn’t feel hurt that I don’t cook good. they are the best thing that happened to me. I cannot think, what would have happened, if they didn’t think of adopting me as their child. Oppsss, we are not suppose to talk about adoption. They tell me, I’m their own. There is no adoption involved.

They made me live life they never got a chance to, because they love me so much that their life rotated around me. And my life around them. There is a bond, an invisible twine like, connecting our souls. FOR LIFE!

They smiled with tears, when I got married. They called me each day and checked up on us, and asked me (each day!) if I’m happy with him. They tolerated me when I was PMSing, they were my side when I was carrying my first baby, and they answered all my questions about pregnancy even if repeatedly asked them everything. They cared for my babies like they did to me, they allowed me to sleep in the night and sang lullabies for my babies, they did everything to them more than Great Grandparents. There is always a silver lining to whatever they do. After all, they did everything more than my own parents. They are my GRAND- PARENTS.

Even today, when I visit them, they glee like small kids at the AIRPORT. They are so old that they are not able to do anything by themselves, but they ensure they come to the Airport to receive my family, and me and see us off by the end of the trip.

Since they are still old and their pension money is used for my wedding, I send them money every month, and my grand dad still tell me, “This is just a loan. I will return back to you all your money” and I smile over the phone and tell him, “Of course it is a loan. You have to pay with Interest”! And we all burst in laughter. But somewhere I know, they feel guilty that I’m spending on them. But did I feel guilty when you spent all your saving on me? Well, they don’t have an answer for that. It’s my turn and duty to serve you and care for you like you did when I was a baby.

I love you MA and PA. You are the best parent anyone can ask for. You did everything for me out of no obligation, and please come over and join my family here so that we all can live like a happy family once again. And let me serve you the way you did all your life.

I’m awaiting for your answer, and I hope you both agree to come over! I cannot wait for one whole year to see you, and these SKYPE call doesn’t do any good!

Take care, I’m in tears already! I really miss you both. Please come over and let me breathe easy for a while. I love you!

Marriage Phobia!

Hello people, how are you keeping? Well, again, I’m losing touch with the virtual world and my wordpress blog since I’m too busy with other commitments. As I had told you, I’m getting married on 5th of October, the wedding preparations have already started and here we are already married. Don’t be shock, the nikkah function is over, that means we are officially married to each other, and registered under the law. Now no power on earth can separate us NOW!

However, today, I’m not going to talk about the nikkah function that took place at Surat, nor I’m going to talk about the wedding preparations going on at my end.  I have a confession to make, and that is, I’m scared.

Usually, I’m not a person who would easily accept that I’m scared or something is eating me up. I always try to portray that I have all the bloody guts in my heart, and I can do anything and everything, except few things like boating or staying home when the power is off and such stupid things. I know they are real stupid things, yet I’m scared. And today, I’m openly confessing that I’m scared about the whole thing called MARRIAGE. I have a Marriage Phobia.Love-Over-Fear

It is not that I’m forced to get married to him, or I dislike him, I love him more than my life and I always wish the best for him, but t here is a problem. The issue here is that he is way too perfect and I’m the most imperfect person ever, and that is what makes me feel like I may not fit in the puzzle so accurately. I sometimes envy him, for he is so perfect. At least in few things, and here, at my end, I’m not even perfect in one single thing.

Here back in India, the lady of the house is responsible for all the household work, and the men of the house should go out, khoon pasina ek karke they have to earn and bring home money. So stereotype. But this is the basic of a married life. And these many years, I have always portrayed myself as a tomboy, never taking any active interest in learning or growing an expertise in the household chores. But one thing I’m thankful to god is, he blessed me with the art of cooking. Cooking is my passion, cooking is my life, cooking is the key to my happiness. I feel great when I cook anything, let be sweets, pickles, main course, condiments or anything. I have my own style of cooking, own substitutes and methodologies. But when it comes to other household work like, drying clothes on the clothesline, or folding them in the best manner ever, or doing the dishes or keeping the house clean is not something I have been doing all my life. I have never dried clothes or took any heartfelt interest in folding them either, nor did I ever touch the dishes after cooking or took any initiatives to keep the house clean. And the other hand, he is so particular about cleanliness. He likes the keep his wardrobe clean, the house as tidy as ever and he is a master of drying clothes in the best way possible.

I thank my mother in law (who is no more in this pretty world) for training my husband in her style and I hope all habits bring a change in me. But seriously, even today, I’m scared to start a life with him.

Actually, I’m scared to feel embarrassed. I feel bad that I don’t know all that he knows. It’s not that I’m jealous, it’s not even that I’m feeling sad for myself… it’s that I don’t know and I’m scared to face it. I have never been a coward as such before. Since there is no one to help me with the chores, I have to do all of it myself, and that is the worse part. Everyone will be dependent on one person, and that is so unfortunately, me. He tells me, he will share the chores with me, help me in the kitchen and stuff, but for how many days? And what if I don’t do things as perfect as he wish? Will he show is temper again? So many questions, so many doubts, but I’m again, scared to ask  him for answers.Scared-Face

Initially, when we were talking, life was beautiful and I never ever thought I have to deal with so many things. I never even though in my wildest dream that I have to deal with so much in my life and I have to feel embarrassed as well for not learning things. Since I will be the only lady in the house, everything from making breakfast (I hate making breakfast) to serving night dinner will be on my list. I don’t mind, I really don’t mind… but I’m scared about the whole thing.

I had a selfish reason to get married soon and today, since I’m so scared about the married life, I feel it will break me into pieces and I’m slowly losing the left over confidence too.

And all this is making me more scared to a live a married life!

How Much Does It Excite You When You Write Letters To Your Partner?

Hey everyone. I know I’m here after a very long time. I don’t remember exactly when I wrote my last blog. However, today, I made up my mind that I would post at least one post today, about anything and everything. So here we go… today’s topic is to write about letters. With the technology growing wide and strong, I don’t think any of us still write letters like our parents did or our grandparents. These days, we are more into status updates, profile updates and much more hanging around the social media world, but somewhere within me, I always fantasized to write letters to my partner, in the old same traditional way, sending it through post and surprising him with a love letter. But the best part is, my handwriting. They are as pathetic as I am, so the only option left is typing the letters not writing them with literal pen and paper style. I type the content on the DOC. and taking a print of the same and I prefer giving him hand to hand when I meet him. 

So tell me, did you ever indulge yourself in writing letters for your spouse, before wedding or after? How do you express your love for him/her? I don’t know, why I ever wrote those letters to him, or why on earth I gave them at the first place, but each time I had given him letters, he loved it. That’s what his reaction told me. Being a writer, writing letters is a very simple task for me. In fact, talking is difficult when I compare writing letters. You get so many chances to change things, the content, the variables, the grammar, you can cross check for thesaurus, and you can read it 100 times to yourself first even before you take a print. But when we talk about speaking to our loved ones, one error while speaking can bring in so many other problems that you cannot think of and when you are arguing, that would be the end of everything for that one evening or day. Just BLANK!

Letters…. My first letter to him was during Valentine’s Day. I had written all about our journey, the love we share, the topics we fought on, the places we had visited in 10 months, the photo we clicked and everything that is related to us. He loved it. The first letter was about him, the way he loves me, the way he pampers me, the way he looks at me and the way he does everything to me. It means the whole world to me. I love him so much that, anything he does makes me feel high. The letters were more of appreciation letter, thanking for entering my life and love letter, which makes me feel good anytime of the day.

Valentines’ day had been the best of our journey days. He came all the way home to give me a surprise in the morning. I was still in my pyjamas, sleeping like tree trunk, with my hair all over my face and my head tucked between the pillows. Suddenly, my mom came in and woke me up for breakfast. Since i was not working, i take the privilege to sleep late in the night and wake up late. The same thing happened that weekend. I was like, give me 5 more minutes to sleep and there, I heard someone laughing. It was not my mom, it was a men’s voice. Someone similar. I woke up with a jolt and saw him standing on the door, smiling wide at me. I skipped a beat, I wanted to shout, scream and roll on the floor. This was so unexpected. The very next moment I was on my feet, adjusting my hair, pyjamas and tee right there.

We were talking and finally I realized it’s time to go bathe and have breakfast, meantime, he was busy watching match on TV with my grandparents. I did not waste any time, bathed fast fast, got ready and we left. I was so excited that I did not feel hungry. We went for ROY, which was the most pathetic movie ever watched. But we were not watching the movie. We were talking all about the surprises and topics we wished. He had no idea, there was a bigger surprise waiting for him.

We finished our movie and moved to the mall. There, he asked me to pass him the cover I was carrying all the way from my home. First, I hesitated, then I realized, it is going to him today or tonight. I passed him the cover and he took the gifts one by one. First, he took the letters, which were neatly folded in envelopes. He read one letter, smiled at me once a while and at the other end, I was waiting when he would allow me to hide beneath the table or allow me to go somewhere. But all in vain. He was holding my hand tight, and did not allow me to move around.

He completed reading the letter, and gave me a deep look. I was wondering, where did I go wrong. He was not smiling nor angry, but just looking at me. Next minute, he asked me to be on my feet. I did as I was instructed. And he came over the other side of the table and hugged me tight. I was waiting for that genuine love all this while, I felt so good. I was once happy, I did something for our relationship. Yipppeeee!

One letter was down, so many things to go.

There was one gift wrapped, which made him ask me millions time about it. I didn’t know how to explain him what was it all about, so I asked him to open it when we move for lunch. We had our lunch at a luxury restaurant, and they took their own sweet time to serve us food. The meantime, he took the cover from me, and started unwrapping the gift. The surprise is yet to come.

I had decorated a memory jar for him, with small small chits folded with messages in the jar. He had to take all of them and read it loud and tell me which one he likes the most. It was all about us, him, me and everything we wish to do in our life after wedding or before wedding. It was more of emotions, actions and reactions. He loved it. But since there were more people around, interested in the gift, we decided to keep it aside for a while and move on with our lunch. He read the second letter after lunch, but there was quite a disturbance around, so we again killed the thought of reading there and moved towards the beach.

Valentines day ended beautifully, unlike the way I had expected. There was one more day to go and millions of other surprises coming along. I had been looking forward to meet him and talk to him- eye-to-eye and that day finally arrived.

The letters I had written for him were mere accident, and I never thought it would reach him any day. I had never discussed about the gifts I would be giving him and at one point he thought, I have nothing to give him. Lol, he is so funny. Even today, when I re-read those letters, I feel there is a different feel for him. I have poured my love to him through these letters.

And finally, we met again on March 21st after a long gap. Ooops, nope. Not long. After valentine’s day, I had met him on Feb 25th. We had a house warming function for the daughter in laws at his place. We were officially entering his house for the first time. That time I had packed no surprises for  him, but on March 21st, I gave him one crocheted bookmark, knitting is name in Arabic. I had also ordered for a earphones and obviously one letter as a gesture of love. I don’t know if there was any requirement for the same, but I wanted to surprise him with something new. And the letter was the best option- pocket friendly option as well.

The third letter was again all about him, the feel I have for him and few poems, in between to add up spice in our letter. He was smiling every now and then, looking at me, kissing me forehead, whispering “I love you, sweetheart” and my heart skipped a beat each time he told me he loved these lines. He told me, no matter how stupid you write or what you do for me, I will always love you the way I have been doing… And I love the more stupid Farida.

Here is the sample of my own stupid shayaris…

Na kisi ko chaha tha, na kiso ko pane ki asha,

Dekhe log hazar, kisi ko na pehane ka dhang, ya dhang ki bhashhha!

Khuda ne akhir hume mila hi diya,

Pyaar toh huva, izhaar bhi kar va diya…

Tumne mujhe pe ye kya kala jadu kar diya,

Kya thi main, tumne mujhe kya bana diya…

And this one as well:

Zindagi par intazaar kar va ya,

Aab abhi gaye ho toh, kabhi na jana..

Itna waqt kyu laga diya raasta dungne main,

Nazarein num ho gayi, dhadkhan kum ho gayi…

Aap jo aye, zindagi roshan ho gayi!    

And this one seems the best according to him:

Tum ho meri zindagi, tum ho mere jihne ki vajah…

Ab aa bhi gaye ho kabhi chod ke na jana.

Tum meri aakhon main base ho,

Tum meri dhakhan main dhadak the ho,

Tum ho voh diya, job kabhi na buj na paye,

 Tum ho voh wada, jo kabhi na tut na paye…

Tum ho sagar, main hoon kinara,

Tum ho phone, main hoon charger,

Tum ho paisa, main hoon bank…

Main ho Jupiter, or tum petrol…

Tumse ek baar rishta jod diya,              

Kasam se piya,

Mar mitenge, jaan kurbaan kar denge…

Par tumha saath kabhi na chodenge..

Enough of me, now it is your turn to speak up. have you ever written love letters to your partner? How do you feel when you write and when he/she is reading the letters?

I would love to know what was it and how did your spouse react. Btw, did I tell you, I’m getting married this October? Well, yes, finally the day has come when I have to marry him, make promises for a lovely life ahead and a promise to live life together forever….

Finally, the date is fixed and the bride to be is extremely excited about it. There were many confusions, there were many difficulties for the date fix as my parents are not too sure of the wedding part. And finally, there we are, with date for the wedding. I will be tying the knot on sometime this year followed with multiple functions, ceremonious wedding welcome to my new home at a small town in Gujarat. Let me know, if you have written any letters to your partner? And if you are planning to write or not, please do write him one and see his reaction. You’ll die for one. Have a great day. Till I write next time, ensure you tell your partner how much you love him/her. Let the bonding keep going, sweets.

Sometimes, God Makes Me Wonder About His Masterplan!

Certainly, the most feared and hated aspect of human existence is death. After all, don’t we spend most of our lives trying to avoid it? We have seatbelts, healthy foods, hospitals, traffic laws – why?  Are they not all designed to help us avoid the ultimate catastrophe…death? I wonder.

I have never seen my grandfather (my mom’s dad). Each time I visited my granny, I use to ask her about him. She had plenty of stories about him, about the good deeds he did, what a good father he was to his children, what work did he do and how talented he was during those days. But he had to die. Why? No one has the answer. No one told me he died or where he was. All I knew he was at god’s place may be on a vacation or a pilgrimage trip to God’s place (Heaven).

Even those days, Cancer was the disease existing. He was suffering from Blood Cancer and no one could do anything, as the technology was not as nurtured as it is now. His death had devastated my mom’s family, and being a single mother, my granny got my mom married to his brother in law’s son (who is my grand dad now).

When someone leaves you mid way, like a father, they leave you shattered. People tell me, things happen for a purpose. What would be god’s plan in taking away mothers from their child or vice versa? Till date, no one have answers for these questions, maybe we would never know what is the reason behind the early death?

The irony of life is good people are always the one to leave the planet first. Why, when or how, we don’t know. But that’s the fact. And you lose the ones whom you are most close with. Like your mom. They spend their whole life behind us, train you, frame you, teach you good habits and manners and one fine day, they leave us alone. Why? Wish there were people who could answer me.

However, the pain is immense and no matter what, no one can replace them. Let be 100-year-old father or 2-year-old child. The greatest loss for a parent is to lose their child while they’re still alive and vice versa. The best part about death is, every good person have to meet god first but what about the people who are on earth missing them? Sometimes the shock leaves its mark in our life, which leads to stress and trauma.

I have lost many people in my life, from friends to family, not all were close to me, but some were. Each death has left me devastated, though they were nothing to me personally. Like during college, a very good friend of mine lost her father. The reasons of his death are still unknown but he is no more around us, talking to us, teaching us how to defense ourselves, or for that matter, taking us to beach. He was someone’s hero, someone’s love and a son… and what happened? He left the world for good. Why? The reasons are unknown!

When people die, they leave everything behind, they leave their children orphan, and they a huge crack in their family, which cannot be buried or covered through replacements. The whole world believes everything happens for a purpose. What can be the purpose behind death? Why do our loved ones have to leave us and go? Why aren’t they around when we need them the most? Why do they not answer us when we talk to them through their grave? Why does God turn so selfish?

Many told me, God has better plans for you. But I always wonder, can anything better happen in our lives after we miss our loved ones forever? Can we feel happy and blessed for the good things happening after they have made their journey towards eternity?

I so wish, there was nothing call death. No one had to die and no one had to regret for not spending valuable time with each other. I don’t know how a wife would feel when his husband is no more or vice versa? Or parents losing their child even before they have lived with them. Why do we have to face so many hardships in life? Why do mothers have to leave their children mid way even before seeing them living their own lives? I wonder… I wonder!

And I always would wonder.

Good Bye 2014, We Are Bored Of You. 2015, Welcome To Our Live. You Better Be Good To Us

I know I’m pretty late in wishing you all a very happy and prosperous new year. I was stuck with work and personal life, really did not find time to update. So how is the New Year treating you?

Well, from my end, my New Year start seems to be perfect. Morning I was traveling towards my hometown. And late evening, I was out with my fiancé. He is a gem of a person, you know. And with the passing time, I’m falling in love with him more and more.

2014 was a mixed of year for me. Unlike the previous years, I met many people, left few behind, few left me and I’m thankful to god that 2014 left its own marks embedded in my life. The year started with my brother’s wedding, which was a blast in its own ways. With time, the pressure of getting married was increasing and that made all of us argue and fight each time the topic was raised.

If you are a gal and of the same age as mine, you would thoroughly understand how it is to be pressurized and asked to reason out why you don’t want to marry. I had no reasons, really. But there were no one who would understand the same.

Chronological Events Taking Place In My Life:

January 1st my brother turned into a family man and the beauty of his wedding is still sparkling in my eyes.

January 15th, we all decided to visit the amusement park as the kids were getting bored at home and we were all were home.

January 17th 2013, our holiness, Dr. Syedna Mohammed Burhannuddin decided to rest for forever, making his way towards the heaven. He left his children under the care of Aali Qadr Moula, 53rd Dā’ī al-Mutlaq of the Dawoodi Bohra and we are blessed to have Muffadal Moula as our preacher, teacher, caretaker. Despite of his age, 102 years old as per the Misri Calendar, he still wished and prayed for us. And each time we bent down for prayers, we pray for his long life. We even contributed our lifeline to Moula just to see him smiling each time he visits us. Moula, you loved us like your own children and we are the luckiest among the species of human to survive under your wing of care and love.

It was a total shock for all of us, as we just had resumed office after Pongal holidays in Tamil Nadu. When I got to hear the news, for a minute, I felt my world is empty. We did not know what to do. We possibly thought it would be a rumor but then when we received confirm messages from Masjid and our tears just would not stop. Every Bohra Muslim, let be 4-year-old kid to 90-year-old man, mourned, cried and regretted for everything that happened. We all cried. We all weep and kept asking, where are you Moula. Where do we go hunt you now? Who would hold us when we are breaking?

People from all over the world made their final visit to Mumbai in order to be blessed by the Janaza Mubarak of our holiness. And during this period, a horrible massacre took place. Around 50 people were crumbled in the crowd near Badri Mahal as everyone were waiting for one jhalak of Muffadal Moula.

No one expected so much of crowd would come to see the Janaza and at the last minute, the crowd left uncontrolled and thus, the stampede took place. They say, they died for Burhannuddin Moula and they are blessed to die for him. “Jaan Luthavi Kari Moula Par”

Moula  was a firista for us and when you know he is not around, it aches. It leaves us with tears and feels incomplete. He always said during the prayer meeting, “Come to me even during wee hours, I will be there for you. I will help you and save you from your problems. There is no bigger problem in life; there is no sadness in life more than what Imam Hussain went through for us.” Now I wonder, whom do I share my worries to, whom do I speak to, whom do I request to make my life little easy?

The best feature I admire about our Holiness was our Moula’s smile. When you see moula smiling, you forget your own wounds, worries and smile along with him with a hint of tears in our eyes. Our Moula was very soft spoken, and always advising us to stick to the good deeds in life. I don’t remember, ever, if moula had raised his voice and spoke to us. He was a genuinely our parent. We love you Moula, no matter where you are, how you are. You thought us how to live life, how to respect our family members, how to talk and pray namaz. Not only that, you have taught us how to have our meals, how to balance our personal and professional life and so much that I don’t know how to put it on paper.

We miss you Moula. Each time I think about you, I have my eyes already wet. It’s been a year now, and we still miss you. The emptiness is still there, and no one can replace it. Muffadal Moula is always there to preach us, to direct us on right tracks, but Burhannuddin Moula will be missed, always.

His sudden demise was a protocol to mourn for 40 days and it was mandatory for every Bohra Muslim to make a visit to the Qabr Mubarak of our Holiness at Mumbai. Not only Bohris, PM’s, CM’s, Ministers, Politicians, Doctors, Lawyers and everyone who knew Moula paid their final tribute at Mumbai. He was a gem of a person, how can we forget him?

And till date, you won’t believe, it’s already one year since the demise and we cannot still accept the fact that Moula is not around. We miss you Moula; we miss you very much. All we pray is, Moula hope you rest in peace among the other Firistas. We know you are looking from the heaven and when we see a shining star in the sky, we presume, Moula is there, looking at us like you always did through your photo.

The pain of losing our Moula was no less and in March 7th 2013, my best of the best colleague left the company for good and left me with the whole team to handle. And till date, we have not found her replacement. She moved to Abu Dhabi. I had never been so close to any female colleagues so far and when she moved away, my world shattered. I felt lonely and incomplete.

As it is important to move on, life did keep rolling on roller skates. My life was becoming more of a stereotype thing and God blessed me with 2 new friends. M & S. We have lunch together at the Cafeteria, share our thoughts and let me tell you, we are 3 different, weird and extreme people. Nothing at all matches in us and still we are together. At one point, I believe, it is always good to be different and understanding. I respect their thoughts, and they do the same. I don’t know if they are going to be judgmental any day, but that is not what I’m actually looking forward for.

And in the month of April, Jupiter entered my life. Right after my brother’s wedding, I had made up my mind that I would get a two wheeler for myself, as it was high time that I own something other than my job. And that’s how Jupiter made its way into my life. I’m grateful to god to give me the power and the money to buy things for myself.

And on July 11th, I accepted to talk a guy who my mom had seen, which came through my mom’s friend. I would have easily denied the offer, but for some reason, I smiled to myself and told a yes. And today, I’m officially engaged to this man. And looking forward to live a long life. However, it did not happen as smoothly as you read the above lines. I was requested to talk to this guy and all of sudden, the whole world seems to be totally unhappy and against it. Of course, the reasons were hidden while I was talking to him, but there were no big reasons either. They did not change my thoughts, of course, there was one time, when I drifted away with my family and their thoughts. Then I made up my mind, I would marry this man at any cost. After all, he is not as bad as the world portrays. He is a gem of a person for me, and would always be.

Time flew by, and our bond grew stronger. We decided to stick to our decisions. And on 14th of December, we got engaged and officially announced that I would be married the coming year.

And how can we forget, 7th of December, AR got engaged to his man of her life, leaving her prints behind to follow. That is what happened.

Overall, this year had bad memories and with time, we created new ones. I’m sure we would cherish them all. Finally, I thank god for all the good and bad things happened in my life. I truly believe, everything happens for a purpose. And you meet people for a purpose. Today, I know why god made me smile when his alliance came to me.

Everything happens for a purpose and we discover the sole purpose only with time. Remember, you are here to live, let live and smile. Problems are part and parcel of life. Happy New Year to you and wish you all a prosperous year ahead. I wish and hope you stay happy and keep spreading the viral. Don’t forget to smile, you look beautiful. Always remember, there is a better tomorrow, even if today is bad day. Good day, readers.

Is Mannerism Missing In Today’s Generation?

With the technology, we are forgetting the main aspect of life. We are forgetting our basic mannerisms that were etched on us when we were toddlers. We are leaving behind those values of our life and tend to busy ourselves in highlighting the wealth we own, our specialities and sometimes, it is all about our obsession. When I was young, my mom was too keen on my way of talking, or the way I was sitting or even the way I walked. Every step I took, my parents were there to tell me how to behave, how to talk, how to respect our elders, how to keep a smiling face even when you don’t like the person and so much… It was almost a routine to hear my parents talking about their values and disciple and it was pressed hard in my brain, I started to follow them. Even if I didn’t like it!

I somehow believe the same teaching is missing in today’s world. I find today’s generation are not too keen about the elders, they don’t even bother when they have guests at home or talk to their own parents the way they have to. Of course, we treat them as kids and ignore their behavior, but how long would we do that? Is it that we don’t realize they are not behaving right, or ignoring is wiser choice? But as a parent, don’t you think the world is going to ask you not your kid?

Don’t you think it is better to have one-to-one word with your child and explain him where he/she is going wrong?

We understand, they are innocent and these acts have no meaning behind, but what happens when they’re exposed to the outer world? Won’t you feel bad as parents that your kid is misbehaving? Won’t you feel bad when you are questioned about your kid? What would happen that time? You would be expecting too much from your kid and they will land up in a place full of embarrassment? Would you like it?

I’m no one to compel you to look into these matters, I’m not even a mother of a child nor do I deal with kids personally. I’m talking on what I have been seeing, observing. I came across a family few weeks ago, and I realized today’s kids are growing tall and bold, with less manners fitted in. I’m happy they are succeeding in education aspect, but what happens when they are not successful people in their personal and professional life?

It all happened when I had to visit my cousin brother-in-law, as they were too keen to meet us. My fiancé is never into all this, but we had no option. We had to sacrifice our meeting time and visit them. At least for the courtesy part, we made a trip to his house. The house was fair enough, huge and dripping with accessories, we would never think of. Both of us believe in living simple, none of the decorative things impressed us.

It was when; he introduced us to his second son. He asked him “Do you know who he is?” pointing out my fiancé. He simply said no and left the living room. I was shocked; we were shocked. All we would do is, look at each other. Is that the way you treat someone who is home? We are not here to be insulted or embarrassed. I know we are not the same standard as them, but that does not mean we are not good human beings.

We ignored and spoke about our routine and stuff. As there was more business talk, I had nothing to contribute. However, at one point, my cousin brother in law spoke about my father and his financial state now and before, which left me hate him that evening.

Tea and snacks were served. After a heavy meal, who would like to have tea? I usually avoid drinking anything when I’m traveling. But all my words fell on deaf ears. I was forced to have tea, which was made by the household maid. The lady of the house lives like a queen I must say.

Right after we finished our tea and continued making small talks, his daughter arrived in the picture who believes in staying behind the scenes. She did not greet us nor did she even bother to see us. I doubt, if she realized we were around. We were sitting like puppets there, thinking someone would address us. She didn’t.

She was not only rude to us by showing off her less mannered attitude; she was harsh on her father as well. how on earth, can you talk your father the way she did, when you have guest at home? My dad would slaughter me live, without any second thought. This is the difference between my cousin brother in law and my dad.

We never wanted to be a part of their family drama and we excused ourselves by telling we have an urgent appointment at 6’o clock or I would have landed up scolding the kids or their parents too add upon manners and disciple in their kids.

I was happy when we left.

My fiancé once had told me, no matter which religion, caste or god we believe in, the very first thing in life we should apply is, being good person by heart. You are born as a human and being good person is more like an attribute from within. When you cannot become a good human, you have no place on earth. After seeing this, I realized they have a long way to go.

When I asked my mom about the same thing, she said this:

“A kid does not learn manners at school or by his/her friends. It is all what they see from their own siblings, parents and teachers. If you want your child to be well mannered, you need to be one of the role model for him/her. And then you see your whole world would change”. Be the change you want to see.

What is your take on mannerism? Are we well mannered enough to judge someone? Pen down your views; I would love to hear them.

The Surprise :) A Big Thanks To AR For Making This Happen

So readers, how are you keeping? These days I have way too much of time to write about everything and anything. Sometimes I feel it is worth writing your feelings at the blog space, at least you don’t have to bury them deep inside. My previous blog was on The Most Awaited Engagement 🙂 and that blog seem to be liked by all. When I was writing the blog, I felt it is kinda too lame to write about AK and AR, the love they share and the feelings they have, however, I was so wrong. It seems to be a big hit around.

If you were following my previous blog, I had mentioned about the little surprise behind the dessert too? Well, yes. This blog is all about that surprise.

It all happened too sudden that night and I feel that was the most adventurous evening I had spent with AR. Though we have been together for years and night stay come along way too easily, this evening was the best in the lot. Back there, we were not mature enough to understand things, but right now, we are all grown up adults, able to read what is happening around us. Ok, this one was kinda obvious.

So it all happened like this:

That evening, AR and I were out for shopping and I realized, I had parceled chocolate cake for my younger champ and forget to give it to him. Filled with guilt, we finished shopping and rushed home to give him the cake. I know he deserves a royal treatment.

On the way, we banged on my mum, who was returning from the nearby confectionery store with chocolate cake takeaway. I narrated the whole scenario to her, and grabbed the cake from her hand. She happily gave it to me. Obviously, she was confident that I would not eat the cake all alone.

All she did not, I had separate plans already jotting down in my brains, already.

As we were blessed with a feast at AR’s place, no one had place for the dessert. I somehow convinced everyone to have the dessert. How on earth can I fix the plan in my mind when no one wanted to enjoy the dessert. AR was expecting AK to be arriving anytime home and that made us rush over the dessert.

The cake was tempting and I was already drooling over it.

Ok enough of the anticipation. I know you are bored about the surprise. This cake was for my would-be. Saturday was his birthday. As it was AR’s engagement the next day, I was not able to visit him at his hometown. So I decided to celebrate his birthday right there at AR’s place with two piece of cake and a candle lighted in the middle. Awesome, right. Well, it is. Indeed.

So we all got over excited about the whole thing, my cousin sister in law was also available there and to my astonishment, everyone were as excited as I was. We decided to record the celebration of my would be and share the same with him as a surprise gift. I believe we all were infected by the word surprise. Of course, I loved the idea and we were all set to relish the celebration.

Though we are far apart, across the borders of our nation, still we are together. Just through a video. And the best part, I felt lively that everyone is happy along with me. I mean, I have people to share my happiness with; of course, AR is always there to share my sorrows too. It is so unfortunate, I cannot share the video with you all here, however, one day, I will surely share it online. You need to know how crazy we are and till what extend we can go insane.

And I take the pride to dedicate this blog to my would-be, who would be officially my fiancé in few upcoming days and that would be the best thing and may be the best decision I have taken in my life. I’m obviously happy, that is imprinted on my face, however, my happiness inbounds when I see my parents, my family and AR happy for everything that is going to happen. I know I can depend on them for anything and everything that my future holds for me.

And of course, I take the pride to thank AR, my cousin sister-in-law and her kids for making it more beautiful for us to relish lifetime.

So have you done something as crazy as the video? Do let me know. Your ideas might inspire the feel of surprises.

Happy surprising! Stay loved and happy. You look better when you are smiling.